


Welcome to the Gunshow

by Drift



Series: Kinktober 2019 [31]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Car Sex, Crack, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Kinktober, Kinktober 2019, M/M, Multi, Nonsense, Not Beta Read, Other, Please Don't Kill Me, Riding, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Vaginal Sex, What Have I Done, Xeno, Xenophilia, eating pussy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-04 18:22:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21202049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drift/pseuds/Drift
Summary: Kinktober 2019 day 31 - Dirty TalkJust... uh... sorry.





	Welcome to the Gunshow

**Author's Note:**

> first of: I love a lot of pairings and while the characters in this fic make fun of some, it does not reflect that I would do so (for example I ship P/J as well) - this is a fun thing... so have fun... and please don't die at the Sam/BBB part... I nearly did XD
> 
> Sorry for being late, too - work came inbetween

Mikaela snorted from where she leaned against Ironhide, drawing his and the other mechs’ attentions to her. 

Up until now they had all just enjoyed the evening in shared silence. Mikaela had a can of Bacardi Coke Mix and sipped it while reading something on her phone while Ironhide and the others had somehow gotten their servos on a rare cube of highgrade and Cup had given Jazz a cygar after the spec Ops mech had helped him out, getting one of his ancient datapads running again, so they circled both items, just looking at the evening sky and relaxing.

“Pray tell us what’s so funny?” Sideswipe wanted to know, sitting slowly up from his spot on the dry grass, stretching his frame in the process.

"Sorry" the dark haired female shook her head. "It's... complicated. But I'll try to explain it" she paused and emptied her can. "So... humans like to make stuff up. You know all that ‘fanart’ I showed you guys about, well, you? Yeah. But we also like to make stories up. Especially about hero's or well others they want to see as heroes…Couples they want to imagine about and you know all that stuff... so I just opened one of those pages, where people post stories, to check if someone made a ‘fanfiction’ about an old TV show I used to watch... oh and ‘fanfictions’ are well... stories amateur writers come up with. And stuff. So uhh..."

She blinked, seemingly trying to gather what she was about to say. Behind her, Ironhide rumbled a laugh "You said you went to that site to see if something new was up" he promoted towards the tipsy teen.

"Yes! Yes, right... so I just opened the website and was going to search, already typing down the right tags as I looked over the most recent updated fics, when I saw something in your category with a fancy name and then I looked closer and saw that it was tagged-" "Wait" Jazz cut in before he gave the cygar to Sideswipe. "What do you mean with 'your category'" He wanted to know.

Mikaela didn't really care to explain that right now in detail, but wanted to continue with her finding, so she tried to get things together short and on point. "See the people know of you guys. They saw you, draw pics of you and of course they write stuff of you. And since you turn from Bot to car – you transform – they call you ‘Transformers’, which is your category. Anyways... The tags. So I liked the way the title sounded so I looked down to the tags and well it was a Bumblebee Slash Sam fic. And it was tagged sticky and Xeno and well... I might not make the cleverest decisions when I had some Bacardi with coke so I opened it and skimmed through it and yeah..." flushing lightly Mikaela snorted again.

The three Autobots exchanged concerned glances none of them daring to look anything up themselves on the human internet that made Mikaela react like that. That place was sick and gross and horribly unorganized.

"Oh come on. Don't look at me like I'm crazy... you know what? I read you a passage of the sticky stuff and you will see and share my horror" she decided and scrolled around on her phone. "Okay... that there... uh I am certain I can't read this without dying. Nope. I mark the passage and let my phone's reading app do it..." she decided, snickering in a way that concerned Jazz. But before he could other think it the emotionless female phone voice started.

"Bee looked at the innocent young man, now kneeling naked in front of him. He really had trained his human pet well. He removed his Dick plating and his massive Dick flopped out. Sam wanted to touch it but Bee hissed at him. "You are my unworthy bitch. You are not allowed to touch me. Sam cried pitifully but waited without trying to touch the yellow alien. Bee moaned and groaned while he rubbed one out only stepping close to push his dicks opening against the humans lips. Sam eagerly opened his mouth drinking up everything as the big Autobot emptied his entire load - at least a gallon - into his mouth. "You are such a great cum disposal. Now bend over! I decided that I'll fill you up from all openings today you -"

"NO NO NO NO! Mikaela stop that _now_! That's... How? WHY? Primus that's... I need a mnemosurgeon. NOW" Sideswipe was up and about. Making gagging noises until Mikaela, who was now breaking down with laughter, stopped the reading. Jazz just sat there, clearly contemplating to go online, find this unicron possessed thing, delete it and do the same to whoever came up with it. After that, Sideswipe's requested mnemosurgeon was tempting too.

Ironhide, who still rested on his back, with Mikaela breathlessly snickering at his side had pinched the bridge of his nose already deciding that he would have to make quite an effort to not run into their black and yellow scout for at least a week. Suddenly a dark realization struck him and he vented nervously. "Mikaela?" he asked carefully. "Y-yes 'Hide?" She got out, trying very hard to calm down again. "Are there stories about us and with us I mean the present mechs, as well?" "Absolutely!" "You humans are nasty" he groaned "Oh come _on_! I caught Hound fap, while watching 'The Diesel Brothers' the other day and saw how Hot Rod sucked Drift off in the morning..." Sideswipe groaned again. "Thank you for nothing... but the way they behaved around each other, I though Drift would be the one sucking Roddy... anyways. At least we don't write nasty, illogical, gross, Porn with your Ex. Ewww..."

Jazz was visor rebooted for a second after he was quiet for an awfully long time. He looked rather spooked. Mikaela’s smirk grew. "Found out that you are part of one of the top pairings?" She scrolled on her phone again. "1761 works featuring you aaaand Prowl..." Ironhide barked a laugh at that. "Primus, what? That would never work out without those two killing each other..." Jazz grabbed the highgrade and took a good swing. "I respect him, professionally. But anything beyond that... no just... no"

"At least your fans are pretty good at it..." she said ominously, slowly ducking behind Ironhide, mischief written all over her face just before she started to read a passage aloud.

"… Jazz parted his full lips and started to moan melodically the very click Prowl pushed his big, ridged spike, which was adored with pulsing red biolights, in Jazz’ tight, soaking wet valve. ‘Oh Prowl, your spike is too massive... please don't be too rough! I'll behave next time!’ Jazz begged, tears running down his cheeks. ‘Don't play shy Jazz... you’re dripping wet. And I know that you have spread your legs for my brother Barricade when you still were a Con. You are just tight because no one dared to touch an ExCon for so -

Woah! Jazz no stop what... 'Hide help me! Please! Anyone!" Mikaela screeched like a banshee as the visored mech took her backpack and unceremoniously dropped her on the grass.

"No more booze for you. And for the record; I never fragged 'Cade, nor Prowl nor have I ever been a 'Con" "Or tight..." Sideswipe added right before the confiscated backpack hit his head.

"Sideswipe slash Sunstreaker 393 works... let's find something good..." Jazz mused aloud after a second, to Sideswipe's pure mortification. "Jazz no, he's my-"

"…the bigger, golden twin climbed over his beloved brother his pulsing member rock hard and ready, hovering right above Sideswipe's smiling slips, while he went down to suck and kiss his twins other waiting lips, all while he started to thrust his long shaft in Sideswipe's loving mouth...-

Cute 'Sides, really... makes me wonder how much you would like it to get face fucked... I would even be so nice and eat ya out for It!" The now grinning Spy offered.

"Oh shut up Jazz! This is stupid. And gross! Humans know no decency!" The frontliner sat down pouting. As his and Jazz gazes met again, before they looked in unison in Mikaela’s direction. _If there are stories about them and even Sam… there sure as hell were some about Mikaela._ Sideswipe thought and after a short search found something worth sharing. 

"And here we go Mikaela… apparently your people see you more as the 'Con lover, there are pleanty stories with you and ‘Cons... anyway, let's start:

The brunette was known to be easy, so it was no wonder that she went for every opportunity to catch a ride... And in her case it was meant quite literally. So it was no wonder that she ended up riding the shift stick of NO other, then the renegade Police Car known as Barricade.

Mikaela desperately jumped up and down the black leather like feature, bracing her hands on each front seat for leverage. Barricade had his engine running the rumbling and vibration went right up her needy pussy. While she was at it, she wondered silently what she would do next, get the shift stick up her backdoor or try to ride the alien’s dick. Barricade was tiny compared to big brutes like Prime or Ironhide, so it might fit... or maybe she would do both?...-" 

Sideswipe looked over to Mikaela who just shrugged. "It's fiction… plus I am used that people think that I'm easy just because I'm no prude" She just gave back before she turned to Ironhide. The other two followed her gaze. 

"Do anything and you'll be on monitor duty for the next decade" the weapon specialist warned calmly. Knowing pretty well how to keep Jazz and Sideswipe in check.

"Ironhide/Ratchet 209" Mikaela, who now demanded her backpack back from Sideswipe, started to read from between the sleek race frames.

"…Ironhide could not hold the shaky moan back, as Ratchet pushed a second finger up his port. The medic frowned wondering is something might be wrong and the proud mech might be in pain, but to mechly to say something. He pushed and prodded but could feel nothing problematic. Maybe the problem was deeper up the other's port? "Sorry my fried" he said pulling out "But I'll have to use the probe on you, since I am not sure if everything is alright. Bad news is that the new one broke and we have to use that much bigger, older model...-

Oh shit..!" The moment the big mech was up and had his guns looked at the group everyone froze.  
"Jazz. Do your special Ops thing and delete everything involving me having anything showed up my port OR valve for that matter, then you report to my quarters. Sideswipe you grab Mikaela and come with me" the dark mech ordered and marched towards the housing hangar. Sideswipe looked down to Mikaela "So... do I really need to grab you, or do we agree that's better when you just tab along" "I'll walk" She agreed with the silver mech and they moved as well, wondering what Ironhide was up to. What she couldn't make out in opposite to Sideswipe, was Ironhide's emf. 

But even for the frontliner it was hard to read. Irritation was the main emotion that transpired through the big mech’s field. But there was something else as well, a hint of... arousal? Sideswipe honestly wasn't going to judge. While he was not into the story about him and Sunstreaker the snipped about Jazz getting it good had been enticing. And as much as he tried to deny it, he had, silently finished to read the story with Mikaela and Barricade. And saved it. He didn't even know what felt more wrong; that his spike pressed up against its cover imagining how Mikaela road a barely fitting spike, juast to be filled with a load of hot transfluid _or_ that his valve slicked up thinking about the dark Decepticon spiking _him_.

Primus he really needed to get some at one point, if his pleasure starved processor went there... Maybe he'd get Jazz to agree to do some action later on? Asking never hurt and the Spy had a well-shaped frame. Sideswipe glanced over to Ironhide’s broad back as they entered the building. _Getting Ironhide to agree won't be much harder... and it has been a while since he had been spiked_. 

They arrived at Ironhide’s quarters and stepped inside, Jazz was right behind them as well. "Just set up an algorithm to do the work" he simply stated as Mikaela looked at him questioning. He sat down at one of the two chairs Ironhide had in his quarters, the other two, Mikaela with Sideswipe's help, sat down on the bed, while Ironhide took the second chair near his desk. "Won't people complain that their stories are gone?" Mikaela directed at Jazz. "I did a quick search and seeing that your social media networks always make up very obvious lies to censor stuff, nobody will question it being one of those cases" the visored mech explained, looking towards Ironhide. "How about you explain what this is all about? We were having some innocent fun, mister killjoy, sir." 

Ironhide held Jazz’ optic contact, without flinching. "Because all three of you were having anything _but_ innocent fun. You might have been preoccupied with the stupid stories and bickering between one another, but I actually payed attention, which let me come to one simple conclusion" now Sideswipe chimed in, clearly irritated and not in for guessing games "Can we get to the point?" Because the sooner this was over, the sooner he could try his luck with whoever he decided on.

The Weapon Specialist rolled his optics. "Oh, just that the three of you, and yes you count in as well Mikaela, are nothing but needy little, bitches, who need nothing more than a real good fuck." All three started to argue and throw insults at Ironhide at the same time; only to be stopped by Ironhide’s barked laughter. "Cute how you get all flustered just because someone states the facts. You really should have reached out to feel your fields, though. Let's say both of you were rather in to it. At least in the each other’s stories… and in Mikaela's" 

The brunette shot the two mortified racers a dirty look as Ironhide continued. "And you, young miss, aren’t any better. I bet if you had a emf it would have been up and about. But even without it, your body gave enough clues, just how interesting you found what you read, want some examples?" Mikaela fished in her backpack for the second can of Barcadi-Coke, trying to hide her obvious blush behind long strands of hair. Searching for the right response, as much as for her booze.

"No. Ironhide, thank you very much! I know what I like and what not Okay? I live with you guys and have you around nearly 24/7 so it's just natural that I get _interested_ in stuff. It's not like anything like that would work in any way, shape or form. I mean I rather not get torn apart by a gigantic spike..." 

"That's a bit over the top" Sideswipe cut in, made a dismissive servo gesture and continued as Mikaela glanced at him questioning. "I did a quick internet search… at least others seem to be into spike sized fake dicks. Seeing that there is quite the assortment to choose from" Mikaela's phone vibrated and the smirk on Sideswipe's face told her he just send her the respective webpages. She looked anyway and couldn't decide what to feel about the pictures and the sizes tags. But she had to agree… it actually looked manageable. 

_Wait._ What was she even thinking?! She opened the can and took a long swing of the sweet mix. "That does not explain why we are here, though. Or did you just want to kinkshame us in here to laugh in private about us?" The brunette peeked over her drink, still trying to figure the big, dark mech out, constantly stopping her mind from going places. Especially because she knew now, that Ironhide was carefully monitoring her every reaction. 

The big mech shrugged. “Seeing that you all need to get undone, I simply got us to a place where we could get some of that pent up charge out. While I don’t mind an audience, getting you involved might not be approved by Prime, so fragging out in the open was out and my quarters and bed are the biggest" 

Two pairs of optics and one pair of eyes stared at the Weapon Specialist in surprised shock, just that Ironhide was completely unfazed by it. The dark mech rose from his chair and slowly stepped towards the others, optics scanning both, Sideswipe and Jazz, intensely before he went for the Spy, who just followed the Weapon Specialist’s movements with his visored optics. Not flinching away as the bigger mech leaned down and placed his big servo under Jazz jaw to tilt his head slightly up. The kiss was light at first, as if both of them were testing the waters, then grew more intense fast. “It’s been a long while” Jazz breathed against the other’s lips as they parted, Ironhide hummed in response. Then the silver mech glanced to the others on the bed, while Ironhide went for his neck, starting to bite and suck. “Ya gonna sit around and stare?” He wanted to know and moaned as rough digits pried at his cover. “Get me to the bed first you useless lug” He hissed, biting down at one of Ironhide’s audial fins. Ironhide just grunted and grabbed the Spy, then proceeded to lift him up and carry him to the bed. 

Sideswipe pulled Mikaela aside and both of them scooted to the end of the broad bed, watching how the pair in front of them continued to make out. “O-kay” Mikaela exclaimed as she found her voice again. Still staring, not daring to look away and… miss something. Sure she had caught some mechs in similar situations but it was never that intimate, nor had she dared to stay and watch. Then Jazz words came back to her mind, causing her to peek over to Sideswipe who was busy watching the couple as well. If she was honest with herself the whole thing did turn her on. And imagining to do something, really anything at all, with one of them was getting her wet. So she downed the remains of her can and cleared her throat to catch Sideswipe’s attention. 

It took a second before the silver mech could tear his optics from the others, who had now switched positions, Ironhide now sat, leaned against the wall, while Jazz straddled his lap, growling dangerously at the other, who still refused to open his cover, while Jazz had his out of the way, spreading his lubricant all over the bigger mech’s thighs. “Yes?” Sideswipe just asked, clearly hardly paying her any attention. She didn’t know why, but she really didn’t like being dismissed like that. Which, in combination with being slightly drunk, caused her to get just a little bit touchy. 

“It’s nothing really… you seem preoccupied anyways… guess I gonna have to get out and search for some fun on my own… who knows? Maybe I do find a willing ‘cop car’?” _that_ did catch the frontliner’s full attention. “If that dirty ‘Con would get anywhere near you I’d shoot him a new one” Inwardly Mikaela was delighted that she could still cause such a reaction with just a few words. Outwardly she remained as nonchalant as possible. “How about instead of shooting others… _you_ get somewhere near me?” She offered, trying to keep her own nervousness out of her voice. 

Sideswipe stared at that, attention only pulled away for a second as Jazz groaned unashamed when Ironhide finally opened up and Jazz started to ride his thick spike. “You sure that’s a good idea?” Sideswipe asked lowly, optics roaming her body already “Nope. But we’ll never know if we don’t try” She said honestly. This could seriously go wrong quite a few ways, some of them even ending with someone in a medical bay – likely her. But she wanted it, needed it now. So she started out with taking her shirt off and undoing her bra, while Watching Sideswipe the whole time. At least he seemed interested now. It took her a little more courage to pull down her Hotpants and her string, but the moment they were out of the way as well, she didn’t have to stay around naked all too long, Sideswipes servos already reaching out, touching. “You are so soft and warm… Primus” He breathed

Mikaela closed her eyes, just trying to enjoy the strange feeling of the living metal on her skin. Then one of his digits went between her legs pushing slightly against her wet folds. Just as Mikaela heard a low sliding sound, she opened her eyes, too see that he had ‘undressed’ as well, his spike out and from what she could tell, ready to go. Compared to a human sized dick it was big, around 30 centimeters for sure, and thicker… but less intimidating than she would have guessed, it was proportional from what she knew about Cybertonian anatomy. “We don’t have to ‘claim all bases’ today, as you humans tend to say…” Sideswipe offered, lightly pushing her down, servos trailing down her body, starting at her shoulders, circling her breasts with curious interest. Then after playing around with them carefully, drawing a few low moans from the brunette, he continued, until he reached her thighs, spreading them. Mikaela was about to say something to light her nervousness about the whole thing with a joke or something, as Sideswipe went down on her, warm, metallic lips firmly pressed between her legs. A second later a broad, slick tongue wormed its way between her folds, right into her. 

“Ohhh, god!” She cried out, all modesty forgotten. Because, while she had been eaten out before, the performing guys simply lacked the equipment Sideswipe had. His tongue was at least as big as some dicks she had had but in opposite to those it _moved and wiggled_ inside her, stroked her from the insides in ways she didn’t believe possible, while Sideswipe’s upper lip pressed against her clit. Every now and then the frontliner pulled out and circled it as well, slowly working her closer to her climax, while she could do nothing but enjoy herself. At one point he dared to push a single digit inside her, pumping it in and out her, while his tongue devoted its full attention to her clitoris. It undid her in a few minutes, orgasm causing her whole body to go tense for a few sweet seconds before it went completely limp. Sideswipe vented heavy above her as well. After a second he put an arm around her and buried his face against her bare side. Mikaela opened her eyes, smiling down at the mech. From what she could see, he had overloaded as well, probably stroked himself while eating her out, his transfluid all over the Weapon Specialists bedding.

Besides them Jazz still road Ironhide, now with the addition of one of Ironhide’s thick digits pushed up his port, but he was close as well, barely able to keep up a steady pace, so Ironhide took control and lifted him up and down his spike until Jazz drove his clawed digits in the bigger mech’s shoulder, silently rising out his overload, taking the Weapon Specialist over the edge as well.

Mikaela closed her eyes after watching that, deciding that this, needed a repetition for sure.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the end of Kinktober 2019!
> 
> It was a lot of work, but fun, still very much work XD  
Thanks for all those Kudos and comments, I love you guys!


End file.
